


It has to be you

by bearhyuk



Category: VIXX
Genre: Bad Writing, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, side keo, wonshik is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-11-16 06:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11248383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearhyuk/pseuds/bearhyuk
Summary: Wonshik suffers for Jaehwan everything Hongbin once did and still does for Wonshik, he knows, he knows all too well, all too familiar.





	1. Chapter 1

Hongbin turns the lights off, he was trying to get through the script for his new drama after coming back from practice but it seems physically impossible right now. It’s been a long day, VIXX practice sessions before every comebacks and concerts are always like that, endlessly long, physically tiring, as they have to go through every single song they released since debut, stressful atmosphere but everyone is way too tired to argue. He could feel the ache creeping up in every inch of his body, eyelids heavy and every muscles hurt when he tries to turn to his side.

Sleep gets him just a moment later, but when the bed suddenly sinks under the weight of another person, Hongbin is forcefully pulled out of his sweet dream to realize it’s Wonshik sliding under his blanket.

“What now”, Hongbin murmurs, doesn’t even try to hide the annoyance in his voice

“I’m tired”, Wonshik throws his arm around the younger’s waist, his chin resting on Hongbin’s head, then he takes in a breath full of the citrus scent from Hongbin’s shampoo

“Get back to your room, loser”

“But I can’t sleep”, Wonshik whines, and Hongbin will never admit that his heart melts at that soft and vulnerable side of Wonshik. So different, totally opposite from his extreme swag act he pulls as a rapper on stage

“I’m not your teddy bear, y’know”

 “I haven’t slept a wink for almost 30 hours”, Wonshik lets out a sigh

“Still working on that song for Jaehwan hyung?”

 “Yeah, need to get it done in time for his birthday”

Hongbin goes silent at that, he lets Wonshik heavily drifts off to dreamland without any further complaint. Right. Hongbin sighs, his heart sinks down – he’s surprised at himself for still not being able to get used to that feeling after all, that feeling when it hurts so bad, still so fucking bad after all these years – everytime Wonshik innocently, unknowingly rubs salt to his open wound. Hongbin knows everything about Wonshik, like the huge crush Wonshik has for Jaehwan, the muse in Wonshik’s music, because Wonshik trusts him like that. But it doesn’t work the other way around. Wonshik might have no secret to him, but Hongbin has one that he will never, ever, ever let the other know.

Best friends, same-aged friends, soulmates, brothers, bandmates that shed tears and sweats and blood together achieving their dreams. Right, Hongbin thinks, they are all that, all of that, but the one thing left that calls out Hongbin’s crushed one sided feelings towards the other that he would never confess – they will never be. He thinks it’s fine anyway, playing the best friend role, as long as he can keep Wonshik close to his side, so close like they are right now, when Wonshik’s heartbeat is just one layer of cloth away from his own.

Hongbin ends up falling asleep much later on. He’d like to blame Wonshik’s obnoxious snoring for that.

.

When the meeting about the new concept is over - as both Jaehwan and Taekwoon had left for their musicals’ rehearsals, Hakyeon is having another meeting for his own fanmeet tour in Japan, and Hyuk already locked himself up in the studio with the band practicing for his solo performance in their upcoming concert – Wonshik asks Hongbin if he wanted to drop by his studio to play with Butt.

“Butt is growing so fast”, Hongbin coos at the cute puppy – currently biting at the white hippo toy with much passion

“I know, he eats well and is very active”, Wonshik laughs as he manages to pull out his phone and take somewhat feel like another hundred photos of his beloved pup, “He’s obsessed with that toy Jaehwan hyung brought over”

Hongbin just smiles at the thought of how many times has Jaehwan come to Wonshik’s studio and how they spend probably like forever with each other. Oh well.

“Actually Hongbin ah”, Wonshik pauses for a bit, “I want to show you the song I’ve been working on for Jaehwan hyung. I just finished it and you’re the first one I want to show it to”

 _You’re a heartless idiot_ , Hongbin thinks, but he nods nonetheless. Wonshik excitedly scrolls on his computer, eyes shining with expectations. A song for Jaehwan on his birthday, huh. Wonshik is such a sap. A desperate sap. For Jaehwan.

The melody rings out in the spacious studio. It’s an R&B song, has a subtle jazzy vibe, and Hongbin knows Wonshik must have put in massive effort for this, because it’s not the genre he often goes for. Wonshik nods his head to the rhythm, fingers tapping and quietly humming to the melody. Hongbin takes all those tiny actions in and falls in silence for long minutes later, thinking about it’s almost mesmerizing how Jaehwan manages to make Wonshik’s heart flutter, to make his soul glow and rings out into music notes and lyrics, and he feels small at that.

“I thought it would be a nice fit for Jaehwan’s hyung voice, and he said once that he wants to challenge other genres beside ballad, so…”

Wonshik then spends a solid 5 minutes to give Hongbin a speech of endless praises and compliments to Jaehwan’s voice, and Hongbin only listens halfheartedly. He just listens while petting Butt to sleep with his chin resting on his thigh.

“You still haven’t told me how do you think about it!”, Wonshik raises his voice a little

 “It’s a nice song”, Hongbin says, “Very different to what you’ve written so far”

“Yeah? How so?”

“It’s so… so romantic”, he laughs and it rings throughout the room. When Hongbin laughs it feels like the air is also moving around him, and it puts a smile on Wonshik’s face.

Much later on, Hongbin learns to the fact that Wonshik actually named the song _So Romantic_.

.

It’s already passed midnight when Hongbin sees Wonshik’s name flashing on his phone’s screen. Wonshik has not come back to the dorm and Hongbin would just assume that the workaholic is still working his ass off in the studio, if not for the broken cries and stuttering words greeting him when he picks up the call.

When Hongbin arrives at the bar and sits down right beside Wonshik, the other has already downed 3 bottles of soju. It pains Hongbin, the sight of Wonshik crying under the cap covered most of his face, shoulders shivering and hands trembling.

“What happened?”

Wonshik doesn’t answer for a few minutes later, instead he just rests his head onto Hongbin’s shoulder and it’s so fragile, so vulnerable Hongbin feels his heart breaking to pieces.

“I saw Jaehwan hyung and Taekwoon hyung kissing”

Hongbin sighs. He knows all along about Taekwoon and Jaehwan hyung, and he knows Wonshik must have taken hints here and there too, by the way Taekwoon hyung and Jaehwan hyung always end up sharing rooms when they go abroad, how Taekwoon’s eyes always seem to be dripping honey while looking at Jaehwan so gently, how Jaehwan is so easy to accept everyone’s act of affection to him but he only shows his to Taekwoon. Maybe a part of Wonshik already knew, but he is just too stubborn to let go of his bigoted and longing crush at Jaehwan and ignores it on purpose for his own good.

“It hurts, Bin-ah”, Wonshik pours himself and Hongbin another drink, “it really hurts you don’t even know how much it hurts”

_I know._

“You couldn’t even imagine, loving someone, seeing them loving someone else…”, Wonshik laughs bitterly, “and you can’t even bring yourself to hate neither of them”

Hongbin feels like each and every word spilling from Wonshik’s mouth is like a knife jabbing to his heart. It stings, and for the first time in all those years, Hongbin feels suffocated, and unbearable, like someone’s choking him. Wonshik suffers for Jaehwan everything Hongbin once did and still does for Wonshik, he knows, he knows all too well, all too familiar.

He can feel himself breaking.

“I know, Wonshik-ah”, Hongbin pushes Wonshik away, turns a bit to face the confused Wonshik, “because I’ve been loving you for, what, like forever?”

Hongbin has never been knocked out, no matter how much he drinks, but today he got drunk for the first time ever in his life.

.

Few nights after that, Wonshik sneaks to Hongbin’s room and slides under Hongbin’s blanket as he always does – as Hongbin always lets he do, and before Hongbin can push him away, Wonshik pulls him close and kisses him. He forces himself on Hongbin’s lips, devouring his lips like a beast in desperate hunger, licking and biting Hongbin’s lips like it’s the sweetest candy ever.

“Let’s do this, Bin-ah”, Wonshik breaths on Hongbin’s lips, “let’s _try this out_ ”

_Try?_

Hongbin can hear his heart shattering to pieces and it gets him so bad tears start falling out from his eyes. He grabs Wonshik by the collar, word after word spilling out from his clenched teeth:

“A teddy bear for you to hold at night, a trash can so you can let out all of your problems and feelings, and now a fucking replacement for you to fucking try it out? Is that all what I am to you?”

“Hongbi-“

“I’m a fucking idiot for spending 5 years loving you”, Hongbin breaks into tears before sprinting out of his own room, leaving Wonshik sitting there, dumbfounded, “you are fucking heartless”

-

When Hakyeon opens his door to see Hongbin standing there, lips swollen, crying, with half of the buttons on his pajama shirt undone, he hugs his younger brother so, so tight and feels the tears rolling down his cheeks. Hongbin has never cried after that one time, on the day right before their debut stage, and it makes Hakyeon’s heart hurts not much less than Hongbin’s own.

“Hyung”, Hongbin manages to stutter after settling down on Hakyeon’s bed, as the leader already pulled him into his room and closed the door, “p-please, let me go home”.

.

Hakyeon tells everyone the morning after, that Hongbin will be staying at his parents’ house for a while and only give the maknae one short “because it’s close to his filming site” when Hyuk whines about not having his favorite hyung to play game with around. Wonshik doesn’t raise his head once.

They only meet Hongbin when he shows up to group practice as he gets busier with his drama start filming, but it’s not hard to notice the awkward atmosphere between him and Wonshik. None of them can recall the last time they saw Wonshik and Hongbin not being together, but no one questions anything when Hongbin walks out of the room right the moment Hakyeon said they’ll be having a short break, when Hongbin never sits next to or opposite Wonshik while eating, or when he shows no response to whatever Wonshik is saying during the meeting with company’s staffs. And no one has to know about Hongbin ignoring every single one of Wonshik’s texts and calls during those few weeks.

Wonshik since then, even comes home so much less than before. He feels better spending time alone in his studio, locking himself there, than coming home and facing the fact that Hongbin’s not there. Loneliness and emptiness only strike him when he finds himself goes straight into Hongbin’s room after returning to the dorm one night, at 3AM. Of course greets him was the silence of the darkness, no citrus fragrance, no dim yellow light, no one breathing soundly under the warm blanket that he feels safer and calmer than ever when he lies under it, arms wrapping around someone’s waist, feeling the other’s heartbeat pressing on his own.

He wants to punch himself in the face for hurting that someone. He knows all too well the pain that someone must have endured, probably since the first day they met, yet he still fucked up and hurt that someone. He makes an excuse for himself, that it was just one brief moment he lost his mind due to the pain of seeing his love shattered right in front of his eyes, it was just one brief moment he just simply craves the feeling of being loved, secured, being safe and sound.

And then he realizes, in that one brief moment, the only person he could turn back to is Hongbin. It hurts when he knew Jaehwan could never love him back, but it hurts equally just as much, if not more, when Hongbin is just not there.

.

Hongbin comes back to the dorm merely 2 days before they start their fanmeeting tour in Japan. Hyuk and Jaehwan can’t hide their smiles, kids miss their sassy brother, now that they have him back to goof around and play games and act dumb and bully the hyungs together. Jaehwan spends forever pinching Hongbin’s cheeks and poking his dimples, complaining to Hongbin how boring it was for him, not having Hongbin around to play games with.

“We still play together every nights when I’m not here, hyung”, Hongbin laughs, dimples blinding. He’s dyed his hair into a brown-reddish color, light curls on the fringe make his hair looks extra fluffy and soft.

“You’re not the one that misses Hongbin hyung the most, Jaehwan hyung”, Hyuk laughs mischievously

-

 _“I have one more question to ask”_ , Hongbin smiles, “When they asked me about friendship in the interview, I answered _Ravi_ , but why did you said _no one_?”

Few days later, at the end of their fan meet, Hongbin asks Wonshik this question. Wonshik finds it hard to spit out any word when Hongbin is looking at him, smiling like that. Like nothing happened. He manages to give out a textbook answer after all. In those few weeks, it feels like they’ve drifted somewhere so far from the best friend line, so far from what they used to be, from each other, now that those “best friend” words spill out from his lips feel nothing familiar.

_“You are my number one friend, my soulmate”._

Hongbin texts him later that night, _“whatever happens, you’re still my best friend”_.

Wonshik feels relieved, at last.

.

Few months passed in a blink, and they’re already half way through their promotion for Dowonkyung.

They arrange new seating orders for fansigns each new comeback, and this time with Dowonkyung, Wonshik and Hongbin sit in 2 opposite ends. Things go back to normal, but it doesn’t mean it can return to the way it used to be, and Wonshik doesn’t expect that either. At least now that Hongbin doesn’t ignore him when he talks, laughs at his lame jokes, Wonshik can be sure that he’s there. He just needs to be there, even though he can never be right by Wonshik’s side like he used to.  

Hongbin can laugh at Wonshik calling Jaehwan cute, he laughs when Wonshik clings to Jaehwan now; he also smiles during the whole time Jaehwan performed _So Romantic_ in their concert. It’s almost like he doesn’t mind, Wonshik wonders one day, how Hongbin must have felt when he mentioned Jaehwan, shamelessly expressing his undying love, adoration and admiration to Jaehwan in front of his eyes before. Maybe he doesn’t mind. Or maybe he just has to force himself to get used to it. Wonshik is not sure.

Until he starts minding trivial things that he wouldn’t before.

Many times Wonshik walks in to find Hongbin in the middle of playing game, talking and giggling so happily with Gongchan, that he even doesn’t notice Wonshik is there. Hongbin starts going out a lot when they have a day off too, and even though Hongbin has never been the type to stick his face to his phone all day, Wonshik notices nowadays Hongbin is almost always on the phone with someone, and the remaining time he would be snuggle up in a corner, texting with a huge smile on his face.

Hongbin seems happy these days, but Wonshik is not there in his world. Maybe it just strikes him now that he is an outsider to Hongbin’s world, of people in his life, his interests, and he fucking hates to admit that he feels left out. He realizes now that he knows too little about Hongbin, and he wonders if it’s too late now to start caring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh this took me way too long than i expected haha ;v;  
> i've made a twitter, please come talk to me: @bearhyuk_ <3

 “I’ll go”, Hongbin says calmly and everyone turns their heads to look at him in surprise. No one expects Hongbin – a nerd who prefers staying at home playing game over hanging out with his friends, making new friends or just socializing in general, to agree almost immediately when offered to join that program about exploring the jungle.

“Will you… be fine?”, Hakyeon looks at him with obvious doubts and worries in his eyes. Hakyeon’s been there, done that, he knows it’s definitely not an easy task and it could get particularly difficult for a neat freak like Hongbin, “you won’t be able to shave, or shower, you know that right?”

“Come on hyung”, Hongbin looks up from his phone, “I’m not a kid”

“You’re not a kid, but you’re Hongbin. And that’s a much bigger problem, neat freak”, Jaehwan stares

“It should be the best to just cancel it all together”, Hakyeon speaks again, and everyone nods in agreement

It started with a half-joked promise between Hongbin and Wonshik, something that went like “let’s go to the jungle”, “if you go then I’ll go with you” of sort, but when the invitation actually came, turns out Wonshik has a fixed schedule on the exact filming dates. Hongbin was still offered to be on the show anyway, having someone who’s so visually striking like him would draw the attention from the viewrs, firstly on how much he’d change without heavy make up and carefully-taken-care-of hair, should only do the best for ratings.

“You nag too much”, Hongbin laughs out loud, eyes still haven’t left his phone screen, “I’ll be back in time for your birthday, mom”

.

When Wonshik comes back to his room later, he finds Hongbin packing his pack and he was actually confused for a moment, because he if he’s not wrong, their flight back to Korea will be tomorrow noon. There’s no need to pack a day in advance.

“You’re really going?”

Wonshik asks as he stands on the side after recalling for the fact that Hongbin is packing for his jungle trip. Hongbin will be taking the flight straight from Taiwan – where they’re staying currently for a schedule – to Indonesia right after the performance ends. He doesn’t look up from his opening backpack and all kind of the stuff Hakyeon and Sanghyuk make him bring with – that are now lying on his bed: wet tissues, sunscreen, an ointment for insect bites and hand sanitizer.

“News articles are already out”, Hongbin speaks in a sarcastic tone which always makes Wonshik feel like a fool

“I’m sorry for this”

“It’s not your fault, I could’ve turned down the offer if I wanted”, Hongbin sits on the bed after finishing packing, “besides, it’s not like it’s a bad thing”

Wonshik doesn’t know what to say to that, so he goes silent. Hongbin went back to texting without much thought, but the awkwardness is so noticeable. He thinks bitterly, of how they used to share a bed just fine, but now just being together alone in the same room is just painfully awkward. Silence used to be comfortable between them, of how they just enjoy each other’s company, how they take comfort in the fact that the other one is just there, but now it feels almost suffocating. 

“Do you think there’d be wifi in the jungle?”

“I don’t know if there’d be wifi, but there will surely be bugs”, Wonshik shivers, “all kind of insects”

“Thanks, that helps”, Hongbin rolls his eyes, “I’d better be telling Chanshik that I’ll be unreachable then”

Wonshik seems taken a back and Hongbin doesn’t really notice.

It’s been a few months of awkward conversations and greetings, avoiding looking at each other’s eyes, and Wonshik’s absolutely desperate. He feels like there’s a wall between them, and even the slightest crack would make everything collapse and he will just die of frustration. Hongbin is right there, isn’t he? He’s still your best friend, your soulmate, Wonshik. Stop thinking useless things, Wonshik. Wonshik can feel pieces of himself breaking apart and he’s sensitive like a wounded animal. But to the worse of that, Hongbin seems to be living his life just fine.

He’s going out a lot lately, mostly with Gongchan. They’d spend who knows how long together, and Hongbin comes home late these days, even later than Wonshik who’s practically lives in his studio. He seems happy though, he smiles and jokes around again like nothing ever happened, and Wonshik knows he’s being mean but it pisses him off how Hongbin is just perfectly okay.

Talking about Gongchan, they surely are the best of friends, Hongbin and Gongchan, and it’s not like it’s easy to find a real friend in this industry. They’re rivals after all, it’s hard to trust when someone approaches you. Hongbin has many times in the past stated that besides VIXX, Gongchan is the only one he considers his real friend and actually makes time between his chaotic schedule to hang out with him. Wonshik thinks of him as a genuinely precious friend too, someone that even though they don’t meet frequently, it’s still comfortable to talk and to greet when they bump into each other in the backstage of a music show. Gongchan is a nice guy by every means.

“You talk to him a lot lately”, he tries to act as nonchalant as possible, earning an equally nonchalant reply from Hongbin that is a simple nod, and he doesn’t even look up from his phone.

“We have a lot to talk about, y’know”, Hongbin says when he doesn’t hear a reply from Wonshik anymore

They do, don’t they. Gongchan and Hongbin are similar in many aspects, they even share the same interests, they also work in the same field, of course they’d never run out of things to talk about. Then Wonshik wonders, what have he and Hongbin been talking about with each other all these years? Pushing conversations related to work aside, Wonshik realizes it has always been him running towards Hongbin to pour out his problems, concerns, even his stupid whines when he misses his family but can’t make up time to visit, and mostly, his undying eternal unrequited love and shameless adoration for Jaehwan. Hardly, or has Hongbin ever at all, talked to Wonshik about his problems, his feelings?

It hits him again, he’s feeling that itch again and god is it annoying, realizing that despite them being so called “soulmates”, Wonshik basically knows nothing about Hongbin; that maybe he’s been so careless to never question why Hongbin never has anything going wrong in his life or simply needs consolation?

“Yeah, it’s like he’s your number one friend plus soulmate.”

“What do you mean?” – Hongbin looks up from his phone, his confused expression makes Wonshik feels absolutely restless

Wonshik brushes it off anyway.

.

Hongbin never contacts him even once after they part ways that day, Hongbin off to Indonesia for filming and Wonshik to Australia for a concert, not until they meet each other at the front door of their dorm over a week later.

When Wonshik reaches home from the airport after flying back from Australia and desperately needs some sleep, he bumps into Gongchan at their dorm’s front door, arms holding an unconscious of a drunken mess that is Hongbin. Hongbin is now leaning all of his body weight onto Gongchan, resting his head on Gongchan’s shoulder and arms wrapping around the other’s waist tightly for stability.

“Oh hey Wonshik”, Gongchan smiles at him, “thank God you’re here just in time, Hongbin is so drunk and I don’t know how to get him inside, seems like no one’s home”

Wonshik greets Gongchan in the most nonchalant way possible before turning to look at Hongbin. This is too weird. Hongbin is a bottomless pit, he doesn’t get drunk easily. No, he never gets drunk. Wonshik drinks with him frequently, but he’s never seen Hongbin so drunk to the point of passing out like this.

“He’s… going through something lately it seems”, Gongchan reads his facial expression, “I couldn’t even stop him”

Wonshik leaves Gongchan with a brief “Thank you” before dropping down all of his bags and luggage to the floor and almost hurriedly takes Hongbin away from the other’s embrace. Wonshik feels absolutely uncomfortable and restless, he doesn’t know why, he has no reason to, and he knows he should somewhat feel grateful for Gongchan as he took care of Hongbin and brought him home. He should know better than feel bitter right now.

Though there’s this thing: everyone knows that Gongchan has always had a thing for Hongbin. Wonshik knows that too, he’s always known all along. It’s not so much of a secret to anyone surrounding the two, Wonshik used to think Hongbin is actually clueless of that, seeing how he sometimes acts tactless and insensitive when Gongchan gives away obvious signs. However, he never considers the possibility that there might be someone Hongbin already had in mind. Now that he knows it for a matter of fact, even knows who that person Hongbin’s had his eyes on is, somehow Gongchan’s fondness towards his best friend starts to get on his nerves.

So he runs his thumb against Hongbin’s blushing cheek, brushes his lips against Hongbin’s forehead, patting the other lightly on his back, and he makes sure Gongchan sees all of that.

“You can leave him to me now”, Wonshik says, “and I’ll make sure to talk to him about his problem. You don’t have to worry so much. Nice seeing you.”

After unintentionally, he’d like to think so, slamming the door shut a bit too loudly at Gongchan – who’s still standing there with unreadable expression, probably wondering about Wonshik’s sudden rude behavior, Wonshik walks into the dorm with Hongbin on his arms to see Hakyeon standing there, arms cross neatly in front of his chest.

“Welcome home”, Hakyeon says, “that was really unnecessary”.

Wonshik ignores the “I know everything” look on Hakyeon’s face, and drags Hongbin into his room without replying to the leader’s words, but Hakyeon has no intention of letting him off.

“Wonshik, Hongbin’s been hanging around with Gongchan a lot lately, don’t you think?”

“What does that have anything to do with me?”, Wonshik lies Hongbin down gently, tugging a thick blanket around him before walking to the kitchen to get some water for Hongbin when he wakes up later.

“Gongchan is a nice guy, don’t you think?”

Hakyeon follows him to the kitchen, anger obvious in his voice.

“Please cut me some slack leader, I’m dead tired”

“Oh I’m not even close to being done with you, Wonshik. I have no intention to poke my nose into you guys’ business but hey, I saw you acting like an asshole to Gongchan out there and I must speak up.”

“You don’t know shit, Hakyeon hyung”, Wonshik almost screams, and he doesn’t remember the last time he got this angry towards Hakyeon to talk back at him like this, “and you should stop acting like you know shit.”

“Except that I do, Wonshik. I know for a fact that you hurt Hongbin so deeply he ran into my room balling his eyes out even though it’s been 5 years since I last saw that boy crying. I know for a fact that you’ve been troubled recently and you’re starting to get jealous once Hongbin finally decided to let you go and be more open to people who actually cares about him.”

Wonshik stays absolutely still to see Hakyeon comes closer and closer until he can feel the leader angrily pushes him against the wall, spitting out each sharp word like a knife jabbing to his ribs.

“Let me tell you one thing: If you can’t cherish Hongbin the way he deserves, then at least let someone else do it”.

.

Wonshik was in his studio, preparing for the songs that’d be in VIXX LR new album, when Hyuk comes and drags him out for some coffee. “You’ll die rotten in this studio if you don’t go outside and breath some fresh air, dumb hyung”, he said. Wonshik shakes his head lightly but still let the maknae drag him to the coffee shop at the end of the road, only to see Hongbin sitting there at one of the tables, looking out of the window.

“I’ll get going now, good luck hyung!”, Hyuk says mischievously before walking away, leaving him with Hongbin all alone in the coffee shop, now facing each other.

“Are you gonna come here and take a seat, or you’ll just run away like you’ve been doing lately?”, Hongbin says calmly, and Wonshik doesn’t know what to do other than walking to where Hongbin is and sits down.

He doesn’t remember the last time he and Hongbin talk with each other. It’s bizarre to think how they’ve come to this point. It’s bitter, but it’s for the best, Wonshik thinks. So he avoids Hongbin. Wonshik doesn’t know why he does that, but he feels ashamed facing Hongbin. He brushes Hongbin off when the other tries to talk to him, he pretends to be busy when Hongbin asks him to hang out, he stays at the studio even on days they have no schedule. Hongbin takes a step forward, Wonshik takes a step backward.

“Sorry for tricking you, but I’d never be able to meet you alone if I didn’t do that”, Hongbin smiles, taking a sip from his coffee.

“It’s about time we talk it over, Wonshik. Let’s not be lilke this anymore. I don’t want to. I know you don’t, either”.

Wonshik swallows thickly, feeling his heart beats louder and faster than ever, “I thought we’re already over this?”

“Over what? You’re avoiding me thinking it’s already over? So being distant and becoming strangers to each other is what you’ve come to, Wonshik?”

Hongbin sighs, and Wonshik’s heart sinks down seeing that hurt expression on Hongbin’s face. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say. He doesn’t know how he feels, he doesn’t know how to act like he’s not burdened.

“No, Hongbin, I mea-“

“No Wonshik, hear me out on this. It’s been crazy, these few months, they don’t even feel real. I know you’re surprised, taken aback, and confused by all this and I just want you to know that this is not your fault. Not mine, too.”, Hongbin takes a deep breath before he continues, turning away to not have to look straight into Wonshik’s eyes, “I like you, I really do. But it’s not your fault for not feeling the same way, there’s no reason for you to avoid me if you’re doing that out of guilt.”

“Hongbin…”

“Let me finish. I don’t expect anything when I confessed to you, it was just a slip of my tongue. I always thought I’d bring this secret with me till the day I die, because more than anyone, I know how much you love Jaehwan hyung. For the matter of fact, I know you better than I know myself”, Hongbin laughs a bitter laugh at that, “I was always jealous of Jaehwan hyung, of how he makes your heart rings out music notes and poetic words, all so beautiful I can’t help but to love it. When he came to you crying about his bad day, you wrote “Lean on me”; when you held him through his sleep one night he came to your room because he was scared of thunders, you wrote “Good night and good morning”; when he started his first musical and was never home you wrote “Home alone”; and even when you knew about Taekwoon hyung and Jaehwan hyung, even when you were deeply in pain, you wrote “Rose”. I always wonder how would it be, to be the music in your world, your one and your only, but at the same time I know I would never be.”

Hongbin pauses, taking another sip from his cold coffee, the bitter taste fills up his dry mouth and once again, he feels suffocated.

“Wonshik, my whole point is, if you’re avoiding me out of guilt, that you feel bad for me, then don’t be. But if you’re burdened because of my feelings, I’ll stay away from you if that’s what you think it’s for the best.”

Wonshik stays silent for the next 10 minutes, and Hongbin decides it’d be the best to just leave. However just right when he stands up and walks away, Wonshik holds his wrist back so tightly it almost hurt.

“Lee Hongbin, don’t put words in my mouth.”, He clenched his teeth, “I feel bad for you? I feel annoyed by you? Who are you to decide how I feel, Hongbin?”

Wonshik stands up to face Hongbin, looking straight to his eyes, “Believe me when I say this, I feel fucking ashamed to face you, Hongbin. I was a fucking idiot, I don’t even know why at that one night I thought it’d be okay to try to replace Jaehwan hyung with you in my heart, Hongbin, because you have always been _here”,_ he places Hongbin’s hand to his chest, “and there’s no one else who can compare to you, not even Jaehwan hyung.”

“I know right, this is fucking ridiculous, I don’t understand myself either, Hongbin. When you left me, _when I try to leave you_ , I thought it’d be for the best, but I realize I have no one else besides you, when I was at my fucking worst I could only think of you, and oh god do I hate it when I see you being with Gongchan all the time. How fucking dare you getting drunk in front of him? Like, you never get drunk, and when you get drunk in front of someone it means you trust him the most, doesn’t it? And I can’t stand the thought of you having anyone else to entrust yourself to, besides me. Fucking selfish and childish, right?”

“Hongbin, I don’t know. I thought I loved Jaehwan hyung all these years? Yes I loved him, in a way that is similar to when you admire a mythical beautiful unreal creature from afar, like, you get it? I loved him because I know he would never be mine and I drown myself in that painful feeling. But when I actually lost someone I’ve always had by my side, an existence that I always took for granted, that is you, I fucking feel like dying, Hongbin. It has to be you.”

Wonshik pulls him into his arms, he doesn’t really care anymore.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure. But Hongbin, about your suggestion earlier, would you please stay until I figure out what the fuck is wrong with me? Because all I want to do now is kiss the shit out of you”.

Hongbin doesn’t say anything until awhile later, but he doesn’t pull away either. When he does speak up though, Wonshik for once truly feels like he could fly from happiness.

_“Mind your fucking language, wouldn’t you?”_

.

When Wonshik sneaks into his room that night, Hongbin doesn’t  turn his back to Wonshik like he used to anymore. This time, he settles himself deep inside the other’s arms, face presses closely to Wonshik’s chest, breathing in the scent of his beloved.

“I can’t believe you were jealous of Chanshik”, Hongbin giggles, and it sounds like music to Wonshik’s ears, “you scared him away, are you happy now?”

“Definitely.”

“Imagine how I must have felt, when you were being a complete sap for Jaehwan hyung”, Hongbin smiles, dimples flashing.

Wonshik pulls Hongbin even closer. The kiss, this time, is no longer hurried, bitter and vague like their last. It’s a chaste, longing, slow but a sweet one. Wonshik inhales, yes this is it, this comfortable, at home, secured feeling that he could only get when he’s with this person. His one and only, truly.

Hongbin pulls away first, and they spend minutes that feel like decades to look at each other. Wonshik wonders if he’s been blind all this time, because Hongbin is so beautiful like this, doe eyes, thin lips dangerously red like a flower shyly blooms; because Hongbin has always been there, right in front of his eyes.

The _“I love you”_ that he whispers to Hongbin later earns back a sassy _“I don’t believe you”_ , but Wonshik laughs at that.

“I’ll prove it to you”, he says, “of course it won’t be easy, I know”, before all of his words get lost again in another kiss, “but we have a life time together for me to do so, right”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much, if you've completed reading this crappy fic and made it to this end notes :) i'm having another fic in store so i hope i can finish it soon :D


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